Everything is chaos right now. There is so much to do in such a short amount of time. It is hard to believe that I will be headed for Charleston in eight days. I feel like I keep having these moments of, holy crap this is my life and other moments were the move doesn’t even feel real.
People keep asking me if I am excited and I get a surprising amount of “congratulations.” Who would have thought that deciding to move across the country (literally) was something to be congratulated upon. Not that I am complaining.
Last night my husband and I went over to my grandparents house to have a goodbye dinner and it ended up being a really great night. We laughed and talked about the past, future, and present. At one point I helped my grandma with her phone and I was glad I did because I found some really old photos of David and I. Having dinner there reminded me of the love and support that surrounds me.
Every time I have moved or traveled it was because I wanted/needed to run away from the demons I was facing. I couldn’t handle the pain so I would pack up and leave because starting over was so much me easier then dealing with your hurt. But, the problem with that theory is that your pain always catches up with you and you end up being sadder then you were before.
However, this time when we move we are leaving family, a great church, a wonderful and supportive group of friends, and a great work environment. It is so weird to leave the world behind on a good note and not a bad one. Let’s hope it is worth the risk.
If I was asked in one word how I am feeling right now I would say, I feel heavy. Meaning that I feel, nervous, stressed, worried, excited, happy, curious…all at one time.
This is one of those moments in life where you have no idea what expect or what will happen once you get there but you know without a doubt that this is an adventure that will change your life…and I welcome that change.