Shower 6/18/2010

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Intro: It’s this intense feeling, an overpowering sense of dread, when you know that you’re all alone in a sea of blissful faces. My left foot pivots as I walk away from what I have always known. As my right foot takes me one step further into the unkown, I realize that it gets easier as I go. My life has been nothing but extremes, but during those extremes I have grown close to God.

My clothes drop onto the ugly tile floor

I reach and turn the water on

The noise of the water hitting the bottom of the tub is ever so comforting

I walk in and let the burning hot water paint my flesh red

My long wet hair feels so concentrated in between my fingers

Thoughts of you and us crawl into my mind like a spider spinning a web

Fury erodes my very core as I punch the shower wall

That’s when the tears come

And for a moment all I want is you, us, and everything that was

The pain is so real, so haunting

All I see is our forehands resting on each others

My shoulders shake as I hold my knees sitting in the bathtub

And I know this is the end

As much as I feel like I need you

I know that I don’t

The water goes cold just as my heart has

I stand and turn the water off

I wrap my blue robe around my frail body

Walk to my bed and sleep away my pain

Conclusion: I know that I am in the middle of my storm and everyday God holds my heart.

*A little of a year after I wrote this I met the love of my life…my husband*

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