You know that awful moment when you accidentally get sap on your hand? All you did was lean against a tree in the middle of your hike to regain balance and bam your covered in a sappy goo that won’t go away. Or when you try to wash butter off of your hands? How about when you’re camping and the smell of smoke has invaded every inch of you and your belongings.
In my mind that’s depression. Something that happens without warning and it’s hard to get off. It’s there staring at you in the mirror and showing off all your flaws.
It starts off as you being really stressed, then tired, and then you just want to sit and do nothing because everything else brings more worry and sadness. When you stop being motivated and you stew in your own thoughts all that comes with that is more sadness. More worry. More hurt. Sometimes there is a reason behind why you’re suddenly a carbon copy of yourself but other times there is no reason behind it at all. Your just living but you don’t know why.
What do you when this happens? Swallow your pride and say something to someone even if it’s just “hey, I’m feeling a little off lately.” Or do you let your hand be covered in butter and your clothes smelling like smoke?
Depression feels like a binding contract. Once you “sign up” that’s it you are going to suffer with depression on and off your whole life. But doesn’t it get better after awhile? When you know how to recognize the symptoms and seek help?
For me there is always hope. I often get lost in the darkness of me and as much as I want to crawl in a hole and die, I choose to fight. Fight my demons so I can live life.
When will you choose to fight?