Life can be such a game sometimes. A game of chance. You never know how things will pan out. Weather or not you should trust a person because the fear of loss may be too much to bare. The question is…do you risk everything for the hope that you will be happy?
I lost my father at a young age and as cliche as this sounds it had a big effect on me. I lost faith after he died. I became the person who pushed everyone away. I lost faith in happiness. I isolated myself into a shell of a person. Everything regarding human interactions, I walked away from. Even a mere hug made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t until David that I found that joy in my heart again.
For a long time I let my past define me. My pain define me. I had been hurt by death, anger, lies, abandonment, so why would I ever want to open my heart to anyone. Especially after things ended with my first and only other boyfriend. The guys I saw after him were men who desired me for only my body and not who I was on the inside. I was beginning to think that no man would ever want me for me. So I ran, did yoga, ate less, stayed busy. Because I didn’t need anyone. I needed perfection. And control was my perfection.
My husband and I became good friends once we started teaching a photography class together at a local church. One day I had been upset about something and nobody noticed because I had become a master of hiding my emotions. Except David, he asked what was wrong and when I said I was fine he looked me in the eye and told me that I was lying. He new something was up. I asked how he could possibly know that and he said my face was an open book. He went on to explain how he noticed me beyond the facade I liked to put up. Somewhere in that conversation he told me that I had a beautiful face and that surprised me because every other guy before saw everything else but my face.
Our friendship grew. And one Thanksgiving night I invited him to take photographs with me in downtown Spokane. It was a rainy day and it was cold. But I never knew I could laugh so hard. I remember David walked into the street late at night to get that perfect shot and I waited for him leaning against a building. I will never forget that moment. I had hated men so deeply for so long. It was actually a joke with my family. But I saw him standing out there in the middle of the road and I knew at that moment that I had met the man I was going to marry. When he turned to smile at me because he was excited that he got the shot he wanted I felt terrified because until that moment he had only ever been my best friend.
At 11:11 we made a wish. You know that old saying 11:11 make a wish and all your dreams will come true? He wished that I would have a perfect white Christmas and I wished that I would understand the emotions that I was feeling. He was surprised by my confession and then offered me his heart in return. He had never loved. Never kissed. Never dated. So I asked him if he was sure he wanted me. He was pure and I was muddy water. And he said he wouldn’t want anyone else.
By February he told me he loved me and the next day he kissed me. However it took until May until we made official because there was a lot of things we needed to work through. Then on September 8th 2012 at exactly 11:11 he told me to make a wish and I closed me eyes and jokingly said “I wish for a ring!” and when I opened my eyes he was on one knee, holding a ring, and he wished I would be his wife.
By June we were married and here we are now falling deeper in love underneath the Carolina sky.