Funny Quotes We All Know & Love

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. ~Oscar Wilde

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. ~Dave Barry

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~Agatha Christie (I guess Rachel from Friends is doing alright)

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. ~Hubert Humphrey

If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you. ~Author Unknown

Ok, is it just me or does this Barbie look like our beloved T Swift?

I had an awkward moment today where I went to take the garbage out out my customers hand and he thought I was trying to shake his hand so he ended up grabbing and holding on to my hand. He then said “Oh, sorry I thought you were going for the hand shake…” I grabbed the garbage with my other hand and after a minute of weird hand holding I had to politely ask for my hand back. 

Also, today I was able to help an older gentleman that had a knack for gleeking. I had to go to the back and rub hand sanitizer all of my arm. I smelled awesome for the rest of the day. As one might imagine.

Yesterday I missed my mouth when I went to take a drink out of my water bottle. I spilled all over my upper lady business and while my coworkers enjoyed laughing at me my tank top strap sprung off like cannon. It was incredibly random. I had to have my favorite coworker who is pretty much my GBF safety pin it back on. Trust me when I say it was a sight to see! Me in the back room shirt pull up while my friend put me back together again much like Humpty Dumpty. 

Life is an interesting hot mess but all these moments could have amounted to a bad day instead all I can think is… Man my life 😉 

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