Life is interesting isn’t it? You think you will turn out one way but then you end up the complete oppisite. I wish I could give perspective from my point of view but the view from the top is never clear. I see you striving for success. Making yourself bleed just for advancement. What are your trying to gain from this? Who are trying to be? Do you even remember yourself anymore? The girl with the care free smile and dreams bigger than the moon. Let’s be honest, you are less then a reflection of who you once were. I know you say that is a good thing. You say that you should look to the future and not the past. I know because I am you and I have said the same thing. However, what you don’t know is that sometimes it is good to remember what your heart wants.
So lay that rose on the grave of your old soul and walk away from the chains that bind you. Don’t you want to be free? You wake up, go to work to a job that doesn’t even seem to want you. Sure, they are all your friends and you have good times but are you happy? Are you doing what you love? Do you even know what you love doing anymore? No. I would know. Do you feel like something is missing? Yes.
The old brown card table is full of your puzzle pieces and it’s been at a standstill for quite sometime. I have been waiting for you to pick yourself back up and be who you were meant to be. The girl that traveled to San Francisco on a whim, staying with people you have never even met just to take a photo of the Golden Gate bridge. The gypsy photographer with a restless need to wonder. I know things are different now that you married but please don’t become what you never wanted. The girl who looses herself in the sea of white picket fences and mini vans. I’m not saying that you made a bad choose in marrying, in fact I am happy for you. I know how good of a guy he is. But you act like you are in mourning for the death of your spirit. So live it up. I know you have it in you. I see that you have found a new joy in cooking. That makes me proud of you. I know how hard it can be to defiantly decide that you like doing something and then be brave enough to tell the world about it. For a long time you hid behind your photographs from Arizona to New York City your reality was the imagery you beautifully produced. Believe me, I know you had a lot prove starting out with your finger covering the lens and professors telling you that your photo “hobby” was a waste. Instead of walking away you showed the world that you had talent and that you weren’t a waste of space. I know, I am not mistaken when I say you lost yourself in those years. You needed so badly to be good you forgot how to shine. What about your writing? You used to love the power of words? What happened? Did that pink Rubbermaid eraser get the best of you? Can’t you swallow your pride and be okay with trying something new and being brave. You live a good life but you are wasting away like coffee left in a pot for too long. Stand up and go. I dare you.
Please don’t be like me. I have failed you. I am who you will be if you keep walking down this road of fear and distrust in yourself. Believe in adventure. Believe in your dreams. As repetitive as that sounds. I see your life in photographs. The first are full of new things and the latter are full of the hope you let die. Kind of like the famous Route 66 that you and David were so excited to drive through on your honeymoon. At first it was exciting and full of fun things but as you drove on the view became bleak.
Well, I guess there isn’t much left for me to say. So I will leave at this, please follow your heart in life. You are meant for more and if you are brave enough to discover yourself and what you love I know that you will live with magnitude.