“My health my fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” ~Psalm 73:26
My heart is somber and I have grown weary, trying to fight what feels like a never ending battle with life. I know I am coming to you after ignoring you for months but, isn’t that the way it always is? Unfortunately. I ignore you and then come running when I need you or when I feel guilty about something. Truth be told I always feel guilty. I feel guilt because I am not doing more with my life. Not spending enough time with you or doing the things that I should be doing. Whatever those things are. The truth is, I don’t think it is South Carolina that is making me feel lost. I think it is a matter or my heart not being in the right place. Maybe I made some wring choices along the way and haven’t found my way back. What if I no longer remember how to get back.
How do you get back to happy? How do you know what you are supposed to do in life? Where you are supposed to be…who you’re supposed to be?
I feel lost in a dreamers paradise and my mind is full of questions. I don’t worry as much but my heart can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have joy again. True joy.
Work is bringing out the worst in me but I don’t know where else to start. It took me 27 job interviews to get where I am and what if I can’t get anywhere else. Is this my forever? Would anyone else even hire me? What would I even do? Could I do anything else? My work won’t promote me yet I am overworked. I know that I am worth more then they treat me but what can I do. Especially when my job holds the spoon that feeds my family. Lord, did I fail?
Love Always, Me