Panic Before The Party

David came home and slept for almost four hours and is getting ready for bed now. He isn’t feeling well and by the looks of it he has the start of a bad cold. No fun. But, isn’t that the way it always is? The moment you need to be healthy because something you have been looking forward to is coming up, you get sick. 

So we drugged him up and we are praying for a miracle. We want him to be heathy before my family comes. After I let him sleep for awhile he told me he appreciated it even though it was selfishly motivated. You see, the original plan was for us to spend one of our few evenings together cleaning up and preparing for my family’s visit, but with him being sick I had to take on most of it myself because I would much rather him be alive and well when the family comes, if that is selfish so be it. 

I hate the panic you get right before people visit because your home is such a personal space. David and I live in a small apartment so we have boxes of our stuff pilled against the walls and poor mans furniture. For some reason I get so embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t because my family loves me and they won’t care but I just feel like my home screams out how poor we are I get so ashamed. Like check out my empty fridge and the unpaid bills stack on top of my broke down desk. No thank you. Especially because my brother is so well off. I know they don’t look down at us but man pride is the worst. 

I need to get over myself because there are so many more important things to life then the status of your bank account. But nevertheless, I am human. 

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