Calm & Average 

The unfortunate thing about today is that I didn’t get to see my mom and grandma very much. I had to work tonight so I wanted to make sure I slept late for the sole purpose of being able to be awake during work tonight. 

So I basically got to go grocery shopping and have lunch with them. Sad times… And tomorrow is it… The grand finale. 

My heart is heavy. It is no secret that I am a wayward soul always looking for the next grand adventure but the older I get the more it feels like a curse. Almost like happiness is always out of reach along with satisfaction. All these questions about who I am and what I want to be flood my mind like a needle shot into a vein. So as tomorrow approaches and the last day I have with my mom arrives I will do my best to think of happy things and not get overwhelmed by the sadness of her exit. 

As you grow older you start to realize what matters most to you and for me that’s my family. I don’t need Montana or Washington or wherever my roots are from I just need my family. I need them here telling me it’s ok and that they have been there too, that while times are hard they are there to hold me up. Buy me food when I can’t and cherish me with the love I don’t deserve. They are annoying and often frustrating but they are my heartbeat and having them here has made me realize that more then ever. 

They came at the perfect time and now they are going to leave way to soon. I’m not ready for goodbye. Not yet.  


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